The ninth anniversary of my father’s suicide is next Monday.
Its strange to me. Not because of how quickly time has gone by, but how I have healed from the loss. I won’t say I am complete– I never will be. But I am at peace with the situation, mostly.
I’ve had so many great losses in my short lifetime, whether it be deaths or broken friendships or relationships. In the heat of the moment, the emotions you feel always seem everlasting. Its hard to look hardship in the eyes and say “This is only temporary. This too shall pass.”
As humans I expect none of us to be perfect with how we manage our emotions towards any unideal situation. The lives we live are not black and white, and the tragedies we suffer through are not black and white either. Shades of gray and black and whites fill up our world, making whatever we’re going through that much more complex.
The ugly truth is, we all handle loss in our own way. There is no right or wrong. There’s no secret manual to guide us through all of life’s major and minor inconveniences. We can debate for as long as we live why things have to be the way they are, or we can be sensible and say to ourselves, “Okay, this is what it is for whatever reason. How do I become better from here?”
I’d like to say that managing any loss, big or small, is easy. But its so far from easy. Its heart-wrenching, its exhaustion, its I-haven’t-eaten-or-slept-in-weeks. Its a multitude of very high-highs and very low-lows.
And the only control we have over what happens is what we choose to do with our attitudes and reflections towards the situation.
That’s the hardest part.
The only ease we have is knowing that despite how lonely we feel during a time of loss, there’s a billion people out there that feel very similar to us. Everybody has or will lose somebody. Sometimes we lose a lot of people. Sometimes we lose people who aren’t even dead.
But we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. We have no time to waste.
We could be next.