Often times after a relationship ends, we are left with realization that maybe things were never really that great. The idea of a relationship sounds wonderful, but we can be quickly blinded by all the “good” and “sweet” stuff. Sometimes we forget that some things are not okay even if it seems to be justified by other behavior.
My past relationship seemed wonderful, but looking back I realize how unhealthy it was. My two most serious relationships turned out to be flubs. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize until it was too late– something I can’t take back. I wish I could. Most of all, I wish I knew my worth before things became serious. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
- The Big Ego
An ex of mine had the biggest ego known to man. I’m glad he was confident, but sometimes things turn south when someone thinks they’re never wrong. In the beginning of our relationship he made comments that were major red flags. I was vulnerable and didn’t think anything of it, but it often made me feel bad. When a guy truly cares about you, he won’t make it seem like he’s superior to you.
2. He/She forces sex
This should be a given. Unfortunately a lot of girls and guys don’t realize that some behavior isn’t okay, even if it’s not outwardly perceived as rape. If he makes you have sex with him and you’ve said he made it clear you’re not interested, or they felt the need to apologize afterward because he sensed something was off– it’s wrong.
3. Using favors against you
It’s great if your S.O helps you. A relationship is supposed to be about helping each other. That’s the whole point– feeling cared for and having someone to lean on. Nothing your partner does for you should ever be used against you in an argument.
Let me start by saying you are your own person. You are allowed to do whatever the hell you want in a relationship– respectfully. It should go without saying that there’s obviously big no-no’s like cheating, lying, etc. However, there’s no reason why each person can’t live their own lives. You and your partner are allowed to have separate friends, wear what you want, be whoever you want to be. Under no situation is it appropriate for someone to tell you “I thought I told you not to do that.” or “Go change your outfit.” or “Don’t you dare talk to him/her.”
They are your partner, not your parents.
Personally, I was so insecure and my self-esteem was so low that I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. All of the good qualities seemed to outweigh the bad. The more I grew as a person and the stronger I became, the more I realized something was off. Things weren’t supposed to be this way. I’m not entirely innocent–none of us are– but after awhile you need to walk away and try to remember who you are.
Relationships change people. When they end, it’s hard to become the “new” you, a life without someone constantly by your side. Once you figure yourself out and pieces start to fall into place, it all makes sense.
Know your worth before you lose yourself.