Life Sucks? Or is it Our Attitudes?

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First and foremost, I am so guilty of this mindset. Mental health aside, I was and can still be a negative person. I think we all can. However, its important to recognize when you find yourself being dramatic and moody.

All too often I hear from people of all ages whining about how “life sucks.” Those two little words have such fierceness.

Life sucks. Does it really?

Your husband cheated on you. Life sucks. He broke you heart, he betrayed your trust, he filled your heart with hate and malice. Life sucks!

You’re struggling to pay bills. Life sucks. You work a decent job, but still live paycheck to paycheck. Your coworkers are snobby and your boss doesn’t recognize what you bring to the table. Life sucks!

You failed a class. Life sucks. You worked your ass off, your professor was so unfair, nothing you do is good enough. Life sucks!

Is it life that sucks, or is it your attitude that hinders you from appreciating the good?

Of course we have bad days. We are only human. We have feelings and emotions that deserve validation. We don’t need to explain ourselves to anyone. But at what point do our bad days turn to bad lives? When in time did we allow ourselves to become lost in the doom?

Ok, your husband cheated on you. It’s awful and its heartbreaking and it makes no sense. But out of that wasted marriage you were given two wonderful children. Wildly successful kids, with college degrees and beautiful children of their own. Out of that marriage you were given a sense of self-respect. Your worth has new meaning.

Ok, you’re struggling with bills. There’s no way around it. We all financially struggle– its a part of life we can’t avoid. But out of that job you’ve gained useful experience. You met a great friend. You’re struggling but you have a roof over your head, and your bills are paid, and you have food to eat. Ok, so you can’t afford that three hundred dollar handbag, but who needs it anyway? In three years you will have worked your way up the ladder and you will find yourself struggling less.

Ok, you failed a class. You didn’t fail life. Failure is a part of the process. We cannot excel in everything we do. Its unrealistic. Instead, you work just as hard, if not harder next time. You pass the class. You move on. Life moves on.

Realistically speaking, life can be cruel. Anyone that has experienced tragedy knows that.   I am a firm believer that regardless of life’s curveballs, you get what you put in. Generating negative energy constantly will get you nothing but negativity in return. Expel positivity, and you might be surprised.

Life isn’t always going to be sunshine. You will have bad days, maybe even terrible days. But like everything else, it gets better. Things come and go. Feelings pass. Burdens rise. The leaves will die and grow again and life will stop for no one.

I may even break this advice. You might hear me go off on a tangent, crying about something or complaining about something. You will too. We all fall off the beaten path. Its important to recognize when you’re being silly so you can go back to being you.

Have a good weekend, and keep on keeping on.

We need you.

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Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Often times after a relationship ends, we are left with realization that maybe things were never really that great. The idea of a relationship sounds wonderful, but we can be quickly blinded by all the “good” and “sweet” stuff. Sometimes we forget that some things are not okay even if it seems to be justified by other behavior.

My past relationship seemed wonderful, but looking back I realize how unhealthy it was. My two most serious relationships turned out to be flubs. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize until it was too late– something I can’t take back. I wish I could. Most of all, I wish I knew my worth before things became serious. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

  1. The Big Ego

An ex of mine had the biggest ego known to man. I’m glad he was confident, but sometimes things turn south when someone thinks they’re never wrong. In the beginning of our relationship he made comments that were major red flags. I was vulnerable and didn’t think anything of it, but it often made me feel bad. When a guy truly cares about you, he won’t make it seem like he’s superior to you.

2. He/She forces sex

This should be a given. Unfortunately a lot of girls and guys don’t realize that some behavior isn’t okay, even if it’s not outwardly perceived as rape. If he makes you have sex with him and you’ve said he made it clear you’re not interested, or they felt the need to apologize afterward because he sensed something was off– it’s wrong.

3. Using favors against you

It’s great if your S.O helps you. A relationship is supposed to be about helping each other. That’s the whole point– feeling cared for and having someone to lean on. Nothing your partner does for you should ever be used against you in an argument.

4. Control

Let me start by saying you are your own person. You are allowed to do whatever the hell you want in a relationship– respectfully. It should go without saying that there’s obviously big no-no’s like cheating, lying, etc. However, there’s no reason why each person can’t live their own lives. You and your partner are allowed to have separate friends, wear what you want, be whoever you want to be. Under no situation is it appropriate for someone to tell you “I thought I told you not to do that.” or “Go change your outfit.” or “Don’t you dare talk to him/her.”

They are your partner, not your parents.

Personally, I was so insecure and my self-esteem was so low that I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. All of the good qualities seemed to outweigh the bad. The more I grew as a person and the stronger I became, the more I realized something was off. Things weren’t supposed to be this way. I’m not entirely innocent–none of us are– but after awhile you need to walk away and try to remember who you are.

Relationships change people. When they end, it’s hard to become the “new” you, a life without someone constantly by your side. Once you figure yourself out and pieces start to fall into place, it all makes sense.

Know your worth before you lose yourself.

I’m an Asshole— and You Are Too

Understanding and accepting that you’ve done yourself wrong is exhilarating and scary. Its not easy to come to terms that sometimes we are not the best we can be. We are not the example we know we should be. We are not kind to ourselves or others. Our intentions can be ill, our lack of compassion concerning.

We are only human. I’d like to think that most of us are inherently good. There’s always a few exceptions. Most of us don’t wake up in the morning and think to ourselves “How can I ruin someone’s day today?”

Last week, while working, a man approached me. He wasn’t the most desirable looking man; not to me. The first thing I did was judge him by how he looked. As the universe would have it, he was a nice and friendly man– and boy, did I feel like shit after. I actually had to step back for a moment and ask myself what the hell I was doing. That man did nothing to me; he did not hurt me, he did not offend me. I was cruel for no reason. I felt so badly afterwards. I would never in a million years condone that behavior from someone else, so why did I allow myself to think maliciously?

I don’t know if I have an answer. It likely boils down to one simple statement– we are human. Nothing else. We may be vastly different, but at the end of the day we are all equals. Regardless of how often we preach positivity and kindness, we can slip and shatter. We should feel bad about it; at least for a little while. We are all humans trying to get by, all of us are trying to make it in a world that doesn’t make it easy at the start. We should be making it easier for each other. Why don’t we?

When I step into work tonight and interact with each and every single person, I will do my best to be nicer. Sometimes I forget that people aren’t inherently mean, they screw up like the rest of us do. We all have bad days.

To the man I wrongfully judged– I am truly sorry. I am not perfect and my attitude isn’t always admirable.

To the people I’ve treated poorly– I will do better. I will try.

To myself– Thank you for never giving up. I am proud of you and your ability to recognize when you’re wrong.

As always, I am glad you’re here. Stay blessed.

An Attitude (and blog!) Makeover

I don’t know what has happened to me recently in regards to motivation or ambition, but it seems I have lost myself yet again. I do this a lot. The good thing about that? I always find myself in a better place after the fact.

I could blame how I feel on depression. The agony it brings me is exhausting in every sense of the word.

I could blame how I’ve been on my past. I do this a lot. I shouldn’t.

Or I could be real and blame it on a multitude of things–myself included.

I’ve had a rollercoaster few months. I am dealing with certain emotions every day that I just can’t seem to cope with. I am falling off of a track that took me so very long to build. I am doing so many things, but none of them seem to be the right things.

Without a doubt, one of the main reasons I am so lackluster is due to social media and my addiction to it. I’ve spoken on this topic before, but the impact of its presence never seems to go away. Its the same routine daily–

  • wake up
  • spend a half hour on social media
  • be somewhat productive
  • waste time on social media
  • so on
  • and so on
  • and so on

Its hard to get basic tasks done when the opportunity to see what’s happening or who is doing what is in my fingertips at all times. It’s easy to fall in the trap of finding out who’s pregnant now or this person went to jail or this person I haven’t seen in five years is doing this with their life. Don’t get me wrong, social media can be a great way to catch up with friends and become inspired and share great ideas. On the other hand, its an excellent way to become depressed because your life does not compare to your kinda-sorta-maybe friend who just traveled to Europe and is now living their best life while you, a sorry son of a bitch, is working a full-time job you hate and just self-loathed in your car for the fifth time this week crying into a Taco Bell burrito.

Its hard. This generation is hard. Living is hard. Coping with depression is hard. We are all doing our best to be our best and sometimes we lose track and compare ourselves to what is not meant for us at the moment. Its so easy to lose track of who we are when we are busy wasting time basking in the negativity on the internet. There’s so much sadness out there; most recently the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. It’s hard to be happy with your life when every time you open Facebook there’s a new story of a black person being senselessly killed or a child being raped. Its constant and it never ends. I can’t think of anything more draining than a quick scroll through Facebook.

As a society we are conditioned to be in a hurry and love all things convenient. We let this get to our heads and forget that it won’t kill us that we have to wait 10 minutes for our food and it won’t hurt us to smile at the busy retail worker that’s by himself. We forget that things like this are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life.

We have a hard time being happy because of the world around us and what media presents to us. We want change but we don’t know where to begin. We want equality but we don’t know where to start. We work hard, but we don’t know if what we’re doing is worth our time. It is easy to lose sight of things when the attitudes of those around us are dull and miserable– and if you can’t agree with me, you might be the one with the dull and miserable attitude. It’s okay though, we’re all guilty of that.

I don’t know what I can do to change my outlook, but I will start with how my blog looks. I will start with how I treat others, especially those that are considerably rude or mean to me. I will start with what I write about and how I convey my messages. Above all, I will start with how I treat myself.

Within the last few months I have began seeing a psychologist to help me with how I handle my thoughts. Within the last month I have tried to change my eating habits and began practicing yoga. I try to wake up earlier. I spend more time getting ready. I am more careful with what I spend my money on. But like everything else, I am not cured. I have terrible days. I oversleep. I say things I shouldn’t. I judge others when I am the last person that should be judging.

But that’s life. I will do my best to be my best. Nothing is perfect–neither is life. We are always in search for our happiness.

I hope we find ours.

no sympathy

We don’t want your sympathy, we want your help.

When someone famous takes their life and sparks a firestorm of internet hype,  their death is allowing anyone to toss their two cents into the cloud of social media. We see so often “Oh, how sad! RIP.” or “I feel so sad for them and their family…”

We don’t want your fucking sympathy. We want your help.

I can’t tell you how many times I have publicly cried for help because I was at the lowest of my lows and I just wanted someone to talk to and no one bothered. I wish I could count on one hand how many times my so-called “friends” have ignored my attempts at trying to talk about how I feel. I’d like to think a majority of suicidal people want help, but rarely does someone genuinely care without an ulterior motive. Rarely does one reach out with concern, not because they feel like they have to.

People battling the never-ending grey area of depression can’t fathom how much they are cared about. They have a hard time reaching out for help. Regardless of just how strong they may be, or how positive they are, the sneakiness of depression gets them every time. All they want is a friend. With friends comes healing. With self-confidence comes healing. With motivation comes healing.

It doesn’t matter how sorry you are. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel.

What are you doing for your struggling friends?

Not enough. None of us are.

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CBD Oil- My Experience

DISCLAIMER: I am not promoting the use of CBD oil. This is purely my experience. We are all unique and our bodies should be treated as such. Always consult with your doctor before use of anything.

When I was taking prescription pills it felt like my body was being thrown through the wringer. I was exhausted and dealing with nightly episodes of sleep paralysis. I was on Ambien at the time, which lessened my exhaustion but created a plethora of new, even bigger problems. I was also taking Viibryd and Effexor, and the combination of both pills landed me in an ambulance. When all was said and done, I was taking Viibryd alone, and my  emotions were still sporadic. For a drug that was supposed to ease my depression, it seemed to only make me worse.

I was fed up with the constant ups and downs from prescription pills. Most pills my doctor prescribed were highly addictive– which explains why I had a hell of a time getting off of them. One day, after a battle of intense sleep paralysis, I decided to quit everything I was taking cold turkey. I wanted nothing to do with pills anymore. On them, I was a zombie I didn’t recognize.

I remained a zombie for weeks afterward as I dealt with the ungodly symptoms of withdrawal. It was during this time I decided to try a different method of treatment– Cannabidiol oil.

Unlike weed; Cannabidiol, or CBD, is completely legal in all 50 states. It does not get you “high” like marijuana does, but the supposed benefits are plentiful. CBD oil is taken by people to help reduce chronic pain, ease anxiety, gain a restful night’s sleep, and the list only goes on.

I was skeptical to try it at first because it is incredibly expensive. The bottle, smaller than my hand, runs about $50-$60 dollars a pop. The good thing is that the bottle seems to last forever, as the dropper makes it handy not to overuse the oil.

Originally, I started taking the oil at night to help me sleep. It did help me doze off quicker and last most of the night without issue. Just out of curiosity, I began putting 2-3 drops in my morning coffee for a few weeks. I’m pleased to say I did notice an overall change in my mood and sleep quality.

The downfall?

I stopped using it for a few days and I crashed. I noticed a major and sort-of alarming change mentally and emotionally when I had stopped taking it. I also began experiencing sleep paralysis shortly after. Whether or not this was directly related to my lack of oil, I don’t know. But I don’t want to experience that again.

Will I go as far to say CBD oil changed my life? I think so. Its a huge weight off of my shoulders to know I am free from prescription pills. CBD oil is relatively affordable, perhaps even cheaper in the long run compared to the cocktail I was taking before. What a relief it is to be able to function during the day and sleep peacefully at night.

As someone that struggles with their mental health, I know I will probably always have issues. I am not going to wake up one day cured and free from my depression. I will always have anxiety. But options such as CBD oil make it easier to handle and lighter on my mind.

For that, I am grateful.

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