Experience with Sleep Paralysis- #2

I’ve discussed in a past article about sleep paralysis and how it plagues me several times a week, and if I’m extra lucky; several times a night.

Only once or twice have I gone through sleep paralysis before I began taking strong medications. It has now become so routine I am scared to go to sleep some nights because I can, quite literally, only dream of what is to come.

The other night my experience was so terrifying I nearly cried myself to sleep. Four separate times I woke up in a dream-like state, very much awake but hallucinating vividly. It sounds strange or made-up, but I swear to all things pure; this is as real as it gets.

Episode one- I remember this clearly, as it was so colorful to me even at the time. A house phone was ringing in the middle of the night, around 3:30 a.m, and woke my step-father up. He started yelling into the phone, pissed at the caller for waking everyone in the house. I was scared, but my body wouldn’t move and I couldn’t mutter a word. I tried, but nothing would come out. It felt like I was stuck in another dimension. It could have very well been real, however… we don’t have a house phone. And this never happened.

100% a hallucination.

Episode two- It seems like not long after episode one, came episode two. I had waken up to a newscast, an onscreen talent rambling about the weather. The TV was loud and the glow was bright in the pitch black room. I was mad that it woke me… except it didn’t. Because it never happened. My TV was never on that night.

100% a hallucination.

Episode three- Blurry but worth the mention. Once again I had woken up, something had been yelling for me. I was trying to move but no limbs would budge. As childish as it seems, I kept yelling for my ‘mommy’ but nothing would come out, and I felt my heart race faster. I was scared shitless as I felt myself becoming engulfed in an energy different from what I am used to. Except nothing was getting me. I was alone.

100% a hallucination.

Episode four- The scariest I’ve experienced thus far. I had woken up on my left side, covered tightly with blankets on the coldest night of the year. When I opened my eyes, I felt and saw something tugging at my blankets from the floor, forcefully trying to get at me. It wouldn’t stop. Once again, I tried screaming for help, screaming for my ‘mommy,’ trying to move away. Except I wasn’t going anywhere, I was stuck. Except none of this happened.

100% a hallucination.

I know this may seem redundant, maybe even silly, or maybe you may think I’m lying.

I wish I was.

I’ve never in my life felt such strong phenomena like this. It’s slowly changing my life, night after night, and not in a pleasant or welcoming way.

The downside is sleep loss, obviously, but also increased anxiety in my daily life as well as increased depression and sickness. I know I am not getting a good night’s sleep and it’s beginning to drastically affect my daily life.

I know that it’s only going to get worse untreated but I’m not sure there is a clear treatment. I could see a therapist, yes, but there is only so much they can do for me.

I can quit my medication and gain sleep but in the process I will also lose my mind and everything I have worked so hard towards mentally.

I’m at a loss, for once in my life I am not sure if there is a cure.

Time will tell.

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