In fact, I hate it here. The thought of staying here for the rest of my life makes my head spin and my stomach turn. Here is a place that few belong to, I am am not one of them.
“Here” describes the lackluster part of NEPA that makes my head swell with anger.
I want so much for myself. I want a steady career, a beautiful apartment, a healthy bank account. I want to not worry about paying my bills. I want a successful life. I want people to look at me and say “Wow, good for her!”
But right now, that all seems impossible. Some reasons are beyond my control. Some aren’t. For the billionth time in my life, I feel stuck.
This area sucks in every bad vibe, every negative Nancy, every naysayer. The opportunities are few and far between. The best thing in this area is the worst thing somewhere else.
Truthfully, this shithole of an area doesn’t seem so bad when it’s all you’re used to. I can’t say I blame anyone for thinking that way. Some people just don’t know any better.
Nobody around here seems to understand. They’re so wrapped up in bullshit, they wouldn’t understand even if “it” kicked them in the ass.
I love my life. I love my family. I love how far I’ve come and I’m proud of the progress. It just seems like lately I’ve been losing touch with myself and what I’m meant to do in life.
I’m meant to make a difference, I’m meant to help people, I’m meant to grow and discover.
All of which feel held back by the aurora of this place.
I know I’m young and thinking too deeply, but I can’t help but cry at the thought of this becoming my life.
I am not meant for that. It’s okay for some, but it’s not okay for me. I need something different, something better, something bigger.
I do not belong here.
But do I have too much to lose?